


Glimpses

by AGayMessTBH



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: F/F, M/M, alternative universe, character injury, fem Tsukishima kei, fem Yamaguchi Tadashi, gender bend, gender swap, hints at disordered eating
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-25
Updated: 2020-05-25
Packaged: 2021-03-03 02:14:48
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,445
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24377092
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AGayMessTBH/pseuds/AGayMessTBH
Summary: Even with her mascara smudged on her cheeks, nose red, and lips quivering, Tsukishima thought that Yamaguchi never looked more beautiful than she did right now in this moment of vulnerability.“You’re not just saying that, are you?” Yamaguchi whispered.“Have I lied to you before?”“No.”“Then why would I lie to you now?”Or5 things Tsukishima knew to be true and the one thing Yamaguchi is certain of.
Relationships: Tsukishima Kei/Yamaguchi Tadashi
Comments: 2
Kudos: 99





	Glimpses

Tsukishima always knew Yamaguchi was beautiful. 

When they were kids, Tsukishima found Yamaguchi being bullied by boys on the playground. They had pulled out her pigtails, and were yanking the hair harshly. Tsukishima looked down her nose at the boys and chuckled out a “pathetic,” before walking away.

But the image of Yamaguchi’s staring wide eyed at Tsukishima hadn’t left her head. Tsukishima walked faster, her face burning red. 

The next day when Tsukishima got to school Yamaguchi was there, a small pink box in her hand.

“Ah! Tsukishima-chan! Here, this is for you! I wanted to thank you for yesterday. My Mom helped me make it,” Yamaguchi held the box out.

Tsukishima took the box. It had moon stickers decorating the outside. She opened the box in front of her and saw a chocolate cupcake with pink frosting. Tsukishima fought her smile by giving a small pout.

“Do you not like it?” Yamaguchi frowned, those wide eyes trained on Tsukishima.

Tsukishima coughed, and raised a hand to adjust her glasses, a blush adorning her cheeks, “No, I like it.” 

Yamaguchi’s face light up, “Good!”

As they grew up Tsukishima was certain Yamaguchi kept getting prettier and prettier. More freckles adorned her cheeks. Her face began to slim out, but never quite lost the softness Tsukishima felt drawn to. And when Yamaguchi laughed, Tsukishima thought it sounded like little bells ringing. 

But Yamaguchi only began to fixate on her flaws. She would obsess over her skin when she would have a break out, and began to apply foundation to cover up the constellations of freckles Tsukishima loved so much. Tsukishima watched as Yamguchi started to diet when her hips began to widen, pinching at her thighs, hating her newly acquired figure. 

“I wish I could have stayed skinny like you, Tsukki,” Yamaguchi sighed, stomach growling.

“You should eat, Yamaguchi,” Tsukishima sighed, splitting her bento in half.

“No thanks Tsukki, you know I’m on a diet.”

“Bullshit.”

Yamaguchi looked at Tsukishima in surprise. Tsukishima would swear, but rarely was her acerbic tongue directed towards Yamaguchi. Her eyes began to fill with tears as she stood and stalked off to the bathroom. The other girls in their class stared where Yamaguchi once stood, glaring at Tsukishima.

Tsukishima clicked her tongue in response and went after Yamaguchi. 

“Oi, Yamaguchi,” Tsukishima knocked on the stall door. 

“Go away,” Yamaguchi’s voice shook.

“Tell me what’s wrong,” Tsukishima tried to soften her tone, tried to let Yamaguchi know she was here for her.

“I’m just so ugly,” Yamaguchi sobbed. 

The sound broke Tsukishima’s heart. She never wanted Yamaguchi to see herself this way. She wanted to show Yamaguchi the way she saw her.

“Stop it,” Tsukishima’s tone was pointed.

Yamaguchi’s sobs broke as she tried to muffle the sound.

“Stop being so mean to my favorite person.”

The stall door clicked open, and Yamaguchi looked up at the tall girl before her. Tsukishima had never seen Yamaguchi look so utterly defeated before.

“Am I really your favorite person?” Uncertainty colored her voice.

“You are.”

“Thank you, Tsukki,” Yamaguchi began to cry again, and fell into Tsukishima’s arms. 

Tsukishima carefully guided them to sit on the floor, as Yamaguchi’s shoulders continued to shake with sobs.

“Hey Yamaguchi?” Tsukishima asked after the other had calmed down.

“Yeah?”

“I think you’re beautiful,” Tsukishima pulled Yamaguchi back to meet her eyes. 

Even with her mascara smudged on her cheeks, nose red, and lips quivering, Tsukishima thought that Yamaguchi never looked more beautiful than she did right now in this moment of vulnerability. 

“You’re not just saying that, are you?” Yamaguchi whispered.

“Have I lied to you before?”

“No.”

“Then why would I lie to you now?” 

Yamaguchi began to smile, and pressed her face against Tsukishima’s collarbone.

“Come on, let’s get you cleaned up.”

-

Tsukishima knew she could trust Yamaguchi completely. She was the first to hear everything that happened in Tsukishima’s life. 

It was lazy Saturday morning in their last year of middle school, when Tsukishima found a letter addressed to herself. She opened it, and eagerly read its content, before she began to fill with excitement. She quickly pulled out her cellphone, dialing Yamaguchi’s number. 

“Did you get your letter too?” Yamaguchi’s voice was loud in her ear, and Tsukishima had to move her phone away from her head.

“Yeah, I got in.”

“Same! Tsukki I’m so excited we’re going to Karasuno together!”

It was just so easy to talk to Yamaguchi. She could chatter to fill space, but also knew when to be quiet. When things were serious. 

It only made sense she was the first person Tsukishima came out to.

It was their last day of middle school, and they were making their way to an ice cream shop to avoid going home.

Tsukishima always knew instinctively that she liked girls. She never cared for the boys in her grade. She felt they were all boring, and needlessly annoying. Originally she thought it was just an issue of not meeting the right person, but then she began to realize her not so platonic feelings toward the girls in her grade. Her not so platonic feelings toward Yamaguchi.

The wind blew particularly hard, and Yamaguchi, who forgot her jacket, shivered. Tsukishima shrugged off her own, and placed it on top of Yamaguchi’s shoulders. Yamaguchi stared at her in surprise. 

“I’m not cold,” Tsukishima shrugged.

They arrived at the shop, and quickly ordered their ice cream and settled at the bar facing the window.

“Hey can I tell you something?” Tsukishima said after a moment.

“Yeah always, what’s up?”

“I’m gay,” Tsukishima refused to meet Yamaguchi’s eyes, nerves biting at her stomach.

Yamaguchi smiled, “Can I tell you something?”

Tsukishima nodded.

“I’m bi.”

Tsukishima relaxed after that, and shoved another spoonful of ice cream in her mouth.

-

Tsukishima knew she was able to lower her walls around Yamaguchi. She never had to pretend around the shorter girl. Everything was easy.

“Tsukki you’re really pretty, you know that right?” Yamaguchi sighed happily one day in the summer of their first year of high school.

It was sweltering, and Yamaguchi’s house didn’t have air conditioning, so they were sitting on the porch, in their sports bras and jean shorts fanning themselves, as forgotten popsicles slowly melted in their hands.

“How can you say that as I’m literally dripping in sweat?” Tsukishima frowned, disbelief evident on her features.

“Because it’s true, you are. You’re so cool.”

Tsukishima blushed, and allowed a small smile to fall on her face, “Thanks.”

And she meant it.

Yamaguchi stared at her for a moment, and Tsukishima realized it may have been the first time she let Yamaguchi see this side of her, so she let her smile fall. Yamaguchi frowned for a moment, before a wicked look adorned her features, she quickly threw her popsicle away and stood over Tsukishima menacingly.

Tsukishima gave her an incredulous look, but Yamaguchi paid it no mind, quickly pouncing to start tickling the other girl. Tsukishima quickly let out a laugh, trying to push Yamaguchi’s hands away. They paused after a moment, Yamaguchi hovering over Tsukishima on all fours.

“You should let me see you smile more. I like seeing you happy.” Yamaguchi’s nose scrunched up as the most genuine smile in the world forced her cheek dimples to show.

Tsukishima looked up at Yamaguchi, fondness washing over her. She reached out, cupping Yamaguchi’s freckled cheeks in her hand. Tsukishima noticed that she was wearing a new highlighter, it made her cheeks glitter gold. She really looked like a goddess in this moment, glittering, dripping in sweat, lipstick smeared from the forgotten frozen treat. Tsukishima couldn’t stop the words from tumbling out of her mouth.

“I like you Yamaguchi. You’re so fucking gorgeous.”

It was said as if it were the most obvious thing in the world. Yamaguchi laughed, and pressed her forehead against Tsukishima’s, “I like you too.”

Tsukishima didn’t waste time pulling the other down to give a quick kiss on her lips. Yamaguchi for her part squeaked and pulled back embarrassed.

“You’re so cute,” Tsukishima sighed happily, and went back to looking out at the yard, but entwined their fingers together carefully, using the hand she fanned herself with to wipe the remnants of Yamaguchi’s lipstick off her mouth. 

She felt Yamaguchi squeeze her hand shyly at that, and Tsukishima smirked.

But with those walls coming down came a different kind of vulnerability. A kind Tsukishima hadn’t shown anyone.

It was a late night. Tsukishima and Yamaguchi has been dating for a few weeks, and things were great. Not much had changed, but Tsukishima hadn’t expected them to, they were already a solid unit. 

But that didn’t stop the intrusive thoughts. They were always worse at night. She knew sleep deprivation made them worse, and she had spent the previous night studying, so it made sense they’d be creeping up on her now. She tried to think her way out of it, reassuring herself it was just because she’s tired, but the voices had new things to latch onto.

How could Yamaguchi like her? How could she want to spend time with someone so cold and uncaring? How could she want to walk to school with someone who didn’t even listen to her rambles? Someone who couldn’t be bothered to tell her how much she cared—

It was too much. She grabbed her phone, and quickly moved to FaceTime Yamaguchi. She didn’t answer. She called again, anxiety bubbling in her stomach. No answer. She called two more times before Yamaguchi answered.

“Tsukki are you alright? It’s nearly midnight,” Yamaguchi yawned rubbing sleep from her eyes.

“I’m sorry to wake you but,” she paused debating reaching out or letting Yamaguchi go back to sleep.

The voices were back. How could she heartlessly wake up her own girlfriend when she was trying to sleep? She was so inconsiderate. 

“Are your thoughts too loud?” Yamaguchi asked, pulling her comforter around her shoulders.

Tsukishima nodded, not trusting her voice to speak without trembling.

“Hey it’s okay, I’m happy you called me for help. I’m glad you can rely on me,” Yamaguchi reassured, “Do you want to talk about it, or do you want to just stay on the phone until you fall asleep?”

“Why are you even with me?” Tsukishima asked after a moment, “Why do you care about me? I know I’m cold and I don’t show affection well. I know I don’t deserve you so—so why—“

Yamguchi cut her off, “Tsukki is that really how you see yourself?”

Tsukishima couldn’t stop the tears from rolling down her face as she nodded.

“Oh, sweetie, that’s not how I see you at all. You’re not grand with your feelings that’s true. But you show it through the little things! Like when you put your hand on my back when you want my attention, or when you show me a genuine smile! Or when you pick up little knickknacks you think I’d like on your way home. I think it’s sweet you’re so shy with your feelings,” Yamaguchi smiled a sympathetic smile. 

“Thank you for reassuring me. I’m sorry to wake you.”

“I don’t mind. Do you want me to hang up or do you want to stay on while you fall asleep?”

“Could you stay on? You don’t need to talk it’s just reassuring to know you’re there.”

“Of course. And Tsukki thank you for letting see this side of you too.”

Tsukishima stared at her phone dumbly until she smiled, “Shut up Yamaguchi.”

“Sorry Tsukki!”

-

Tsukishima knew she didn’t need to explain anything to Yamaguchi. It was as if Yamaguchi had a sixth sense for Tsukishima’s moods. 

It was a snowy Monday, Tsukishima hadn’t gotten any sleep the night before. Practice had been moved to an earlier time due to a scheduling conflict with the softball team, and Tsukishima had been up all night studying for a quiz. When she walked to their meeting spot, Yamaguchi was there waiting with an large iced vanilla latte in her hand.

“I thought you’d be tired, so I got you an extra shot,” Yamaguchi greeted, a soft smile adorning her features.

“You’re an angel,” Tsukishima let out a small sigh of relief, and pressed a kiss to Yamaguchi’s forehead.

They walked in a comfortable silence, Tsukishima sipping her latte and Yamguchi twisting their fingers together absentmindedly. The sun began to rise above the trees, and the beginnings of an argument between Hinata and Kageyama was heard in the distance. Tsukishima sighed in preemptive annoyance, sucking the last sip of her latte and threw it in the trash. 

“Be nice, Tsukki,” Yamaguchi chided, already knowing Tsukishima was getting irritated.

She frowned, “Shut up, Yamaguchi.”

Yamaguchi didn’t apologize, but just gave a light laugh, pinching Tsukishima’s arm lightly.

Later they were alone in Tsukishima’s room, door locked, a random radio station playing in the background as they kissed. It started innocently enough, a few pecks here and there, but quickly it turned into more. Yamaguchi had moved to position herself in Tsukishima’s lap, while the blonde gently held her hips, reaching her face up to kiss the other.

Yamaguchi’s hands began to wander, moving to tug at Tsukishima’s shirt. Tsukishima’s breath caught in her throat, and she flinched away from the kiss.

“Hey Tsukki we can stop,” Yamaguchi whispered breathily.

Tsukishima didn’t meet her eyes.

“Come on, Kei look at me,” Yamaguchi whispered again. Tsukishima looked up shyly.

“We can stop if you’re uncomfortable. Don’t ever feel like I’m forcing you to do something, okay? You can tell me to stop,” Yamaguchi have a quick peck on the other’s nose and moved to get off her lap.

“It’s not that I didn’t like it. I’m just not ready,” Tsukishima grumbled.

“That’s okay. We have all the time in the world.”

“Hey Yamaguchi.”

“What is it?”

“I love you.” 

Yamaguchi’s face light up and a relieved smile fell on her mouth, “I love you too!”

-

Tsukishima always knew Yamaguchi was the closest to heaven she’d be. 

It was during their second year of high school when Yamaguchi got truly hurt for the first time. It was during winter break, nearly New Years. There was an accident, no one knew exactly what had happen, but it sent Yamaguchi to the hospital. 

Tsukishima could remember the exact feeling of dread that climbed up her throat as she got the phone call from Yamaguchi’s parents. 

“Kei-chan, there’s been an accident.”

She nearly fell to her knees right then and there.

“Is she okay?” Tsukishima asked, voice shaking.

“The doctors aren’t sure yet, but they’ve stabilized her for now. Listen I know you’ll want to come see her, but I want to warn you. It looks scary when you see her hooked up to machines, and not being able to respond. Her father nearly fainted when he saw her,” Yamaguchi’s mother’s tone was soft and consoling.

“I understand, but I’d still like to come.”

There was a small laugh on the other side of the call “I knew you would. Visiting hours end at 11.”

“Have you told the rest of the team yet?”

“No I thought you’d want some time alone first.”

“Thank you for thinking of me. I can only imagine how hard this is for you.”

“Of course Kei-chan, you’re practically family.”

It was strange seeing Yamaguchi so lifeless. She was always the one who would bring life to conversations, always the one to defend Tsukishima, always the one to stay by her side. This was the first time Tsukishima realized Yamaguchi was breakable. That one day one of them would die.

Even with the warning, Tsukishima couldn’t stop herself from having her knees buckle upon seeing Yamaguchi like that. Luckily, Yamaguchi’s mother was at her side ready to catch her. Tsukishima felt a wave of nausea rise up her throat. 

“Let’s go for a walk and try again in a minute okay?”

Tsukishima just nodded.

A few minutes later they returned with a glass of water, and Yamaguchi’s mother sat Tsukishima down in the chair next to the bed. Tsukishima immediately found Yamaguchi’s hand, feeling it’s warmth. It calmed her anxiety slightly knowing Yamaguchi was still alive.

“Before you got here the doctor told us she would be okay. It looks like she was incredibly lucky and managed to scrape by with a concussion and a few broken ribs, and just some cuts and bruises. There’ll be scarring, and she won’t be able to play for a few weeks after the break, but you didn’t have any games scheduled for then anyway.”

“Then why is she hooked up to all of these things?” 

“Well the IV is so she doesn’t become dehydrated, and she lost a lot of blood on the way here, the cuts were deep. This one is monitoring her pulse—“ Yamaguchi’s mother explained what each machine did, calming Tsukishima down considerably. “Most of the wires are just safety precautions just in case something were to happen to alert the doctor.”

“She’ll really be okay?”

“Yes Kei, she’s alright, just resting.”

Tsukishima still didn’t sleep much that night. She would toss and turn in her bed, and then check her phone to look for a text from Yamaguchi or her parents.

The next morning she was at the hospital as soon as visiting hours started. She had two coffees, one for herself and one for Yamaguchi’s mom, who, she assumed, probably didn’t sleep well.

“Has she woken up yet?” Tsukishima asked, setting both drinks down on a small table.

“No not yet,” Yamaguchi’s mother stretched and sipped the coffee, “thank you. I was going to head down to get some breakfast. Would you like anything?”

“No thank you.”

Yamaguchi’s mother smiled slightly, and ruffled Tsukishima’s hair, “You make her so happy Kei-chan,” and she walked out of the room, shutting the door behind her.

As soon as the door was shut exhaustion fell heavy on Tsukishima’s shoulders. She settled in the same chair as she had the night before, and tangled heir fingers together. She watched the slow rise and fall of Yamaguchi’s chest. She brushed her fingers across Yamaguchi’s bangs as gently as she could with her free hand, and settled it on her cheek.

“You scared me,” Tsukishima choked out.

There was no response, so Tsukishima moved her arm to act as a pillow, as she set her head on the bed, watching Yamaguchi. Slowly her eyes drooped close, and she drifted off to sleep, their hands still interlocked.

She dreamt of their first kiss all those years ago. She dreamt of summer heat, and laughter. She dreamt of first love.

She swore she could almost feel Yamaguchi laugh. 

When she awoke she noticed she was still holding Yamaguchi’s hand. The second thing she noticed was the volleyball team taking up the entire room. The third thing she noticed was Yamaguchi’s voice gently cooing.

“Tsukki you’re awake!”

Tsukishima looked at her surprised, “I could say the same thing.”

Yamguchi laughed “I woke up a few hours ago, but you looked to peaceful, mom said it was best to let you sleep.”

“You really are an angel,” Tsukishima pressed a kiss to her hand.

Tsukishima had to hold herself back from throttling Hinata as small girl gushed about how soft Tsukishima was being.

-

Yamaguchi was certain Tsukishima Kei was her soulmate.

They were laying on Yamaguchi’s bedroom floor, in their third year of high school when this dawned on her. 

There was something so domestic about seeing Tsukki in one of Yamaguchi’s oversized shirts and spandex that made Yamaguchi’s heart flutter with joy. This lazy side of Tsukki that only she got to see. 

“You know, I’m glad you found me that day,” Yamaguchi said, breaking the comfortable silence surrounding them.

“Well yeah, otherwise one of those assholes would have ripped your hair out.”

“No Tsukki! If you hadn’t had found me none of this would have ever happened. We wouldn’t have become friends and we’d just be living parallel lives. Next to each other but never meeting.”

Tsukki huffed, and set down the book she was reading.

“You know I think we would have met somehow,” Tsukishima said.

“Why’s that?”

“I can’t imagine a universe where we weren’t Tsukishima and Yamaguchi, the perfect pair.”

Yamaguchi smiled a little, “Do you think we’d know each other in every universe?”

Tsukishima stopped and pondered this for a moment before replying, “I don’t think it matters. A universe where I don’t know you isn’t a universe worth living in.”

Yamaguchi quickly pulled Tsukki into a hug, “I really love you.”

Tsukki hummed back, “I really love you too.”


End file.
